


Can't Breathe Without You (but I have to)

by NarryEm



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Fluff, Heartbreak, M/M, Narry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-13 06:24:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1215943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarryEm/pseuds/NarryEm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall thought that <i>he </i> was his happily ever after.  But he took his heart away and returned it in shambles.<br/>Harry comes into Niall's life when Niall is still trying to figure how to breathe without <i>him</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Breathe Without You (but I have to)

**Author's Note:**

> title from "Breathe" by Taylor Swift.

It's been a few months.

Niall used to have everything. Best mates who had his back no matter what, a loving family and a boyfriend who was his first love. But then something changed. Josh changed. And even now, he hurts to even think about his name.

His friends still come over and try to coax him to go out with them. Niall does so begrudgingly because he knows how persistent they can be.

Summer is almost over and he will have to go back to uni. He doesn't know how he can function when he can't even breathe without _him_. He has to go relegate himself to long nights of studying and then cursing the shitty canteen food whilst surviving his first ever heartbreak.

He walks into the coffeeshop and orders his usual cappuccino and buttered croissant. The cashier fumbles with his order and gives him a latte instead so that's an extra five minutes that he wastes. He goes to sit by the window like he always does and ends up staying for an hour, slowly sipping at his cooling coffee. When he leaves, the sun is hanging from the middle of the sky and Niall decides that he would like to take a walk in the park. The Hyde Park is full with kids running amok and the parents lounging on the grass. Niall finds a vacant spot and sits down, taking out his copy of _A Fault in Our Stars_ again. He's only begun to read it upon Louis' insistence and now he's regretting it because he has fallen in love with the characters. He's not stupid, he knows that the girl is probably going to die and the boy will live his life forever remembering the love they shared and all that shite.

Stupid romance novels.

He is halfway through the book when something lands on him. Or rather, someone.

There is a mouthful of hair and a warm weight above him. "Fuck, sorry," a deep voice mutters. "Lost my balance.

The owner of the voice sits up and slides off of Niall's body. He is quite fit, if Niall is being honest. His skin has a hint of a summer glow and his eyes are greener than the grass that surrounds them. He is wearing a plaid shirt with the sleeves torn off and shorts that are really short.

"Did you fall again, Harry?' a voice calls out. As he nears, Niall wants to get the hell out of here because since when the park turn into a fucking models' hangout? This one was a jawline that could cut glass and eyes the colour of whiskey. "Oh and it's a cute one this time."

"Um, sorry," Harry says again. "My mate can be rude at times."

Niall laughs, trying to seem nonchalant. "No worries. I'm Niall."

"Ooh, Irish. This one's a keeper, Hazza," Zayn teases.

"Shove off, Zayn," Harry says, pushing at the other's arm. He doesn't even budge.

"That's a brilliant book," Zayn says, pointing at the book.

"Yeah, I'm hooked. Bet this has got a sad ending though," Niall shrugs.

"Well duh, it's by John Green so."

Niall covers his ears, "No spoilers please!"

He hears Zayn laughing so he assumes safety and lowers his hands. "You really are the cute one," Zayn smirks.

"Alright," Harry drags him away. "We're going home."

"Here's your phone back," Zayn says, throwing back his phone. Instinctively, Niall checks his pockets only to find them empty. "Harry's number is in there so make sure to send him a text."

 

-

 

It's Harry who texts him first. Well, technically it's Zayn on Harry's phone because it's night and they've gone out, of course.

"Did Niall just get a text?" Louis gasps, bringing his hand to his mouth. Niall chucks a nearby pillow at his head and Liam only laughs fondly.

"Lou, Niall does have friends outside of us. Right Ni?"

"Yup," he answers.

_From: Harry  
heyyyyy yuo didtn txt harry. he's prper pinnig 4 u._

He is about to shoot back a reply when the mobile is snatched out of his hands. "Who's Harry?" Louis asks.

"Just someone I met the other day," Niall shrugs.

"Ooh, cute _and_ he's pissed. We should invited him over."

Niall sighs. "Lou, casual sex is not the answer for everything!"

"Worked for me. Let some fit stranger with lovely shoulders shag me the night before my stats finals and I passed it."

"Don't do it Lou," Niall warns.

"Too late. Sent him our address. This is why you should be on your guard all the time."

Liam shoots him a berating look. "Lou, Nialler will go out and meet new people when he is ready."

Louis snorts. "At this rate, he'll be fifty when he's ready."

 

Half an hour later, a surprisingly sober-looking Harry and very drunk Zayn stumble into Louis and Liam's flat. "Sorry. Zayn really wanted to see you again."

"Liam," Zayn accuses. "You missed his pretty blue eyes."

Niall laughs. "'S alright. Was just hangin' out with me mates."

Harry says a polite hello and the introductions go smoothly. But then Louis decides to be himself.

"So Harry," he says, looking so innocent but Niall knows that he is up to something. "Top or bottom?"

Harry sputters out the cuppa he's been drinking and Niall blushes bright red. "Lou!" he and Liam chorus together.

"I'm curious, is all," Louis says as if that excuses everything.

"Sorry, Harry. Louis hasn't any manners and we're still trying to teach him," Niall apologises.

"It's okay. Zayn is the same way when he's drunk. Um, Louis I don't think I should divulge that kind of information when I'm not in a relationship with you."

Louis pouts adorably. "Spoil sport," he mutters. "Oh well. If Zayn is as loose-lipped as you say I might get something out of him yet."

Zayn sneers. "You could try."

"Harry's birthday?" Louis tries.

"February first. Shit."

Louis grins evilly. "You and I, we're gonna be best buddies."

 

-

 

Turns out Niall and Harry go to the same uni. What's even more coincidental is that they will be rooming together.

"I was so worried that I might be stuck with a crack addict," Harry admits, after a tight hug. Niall awkwardly pets his back.

"Lucky you, I'm not. But I do have like eight o'clock lectures so if that pisses you off, just tell me, yeah?"

Harry shakes his head. "I'm an early riser so shouldn't be a problem. You're second year, yeah?"

Niall nods. "Sound engineering. You?"

"First year. And I want to major in either law or sociology. Nothing that involves science-y stuff, I hope."

"Yeah, the first year physics course can be brutal, or so I hear."

Harry's eyes roam the room for a bit until they settle on something. "Is that yours?" he asks, pointing at something.

Niall turns around and sees that his guitar case is still on his bed. The case is half open so the Taylor 814ce is on full display. "Yeah I play a bit."

"Cool," Harry says. "Do you sing too because I was in a lot of my school musicals and snuff."

"A bit. Not very good so it's limited to the showers."

"C'mon," Harry says. "Someone who invests that much in a guitar has got to be at least a decent singer as well."

Niall tries, he really tries. But Harry has this adorable face of a kitten who's been denied its favourite toy or something and it's hard to say no to that.

So he picks up his guitar and starts playing.

 _I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing_  
_Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in_  
_'Cause I got time while she got freedom  
_ _'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even_

 _Her best days will be some of my worst_  
_She finally met a man that's gonna put her first_  
_While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping_  
_'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no_

 _What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?_  
_And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?_  
_I'm falling to pieces, yeah,_  
_I'm falling to pieces_

 

"That was brilliant, mate," Harry says, clapping him on the back. "You don't see yourself as much of a musician do ya? And wow, you are really good on the guitar too, like proper good fingers I suppose."

Niall blushes. He's not that used to being complimented. There's that one time he sang drunk in the pub but that hardly counts as the entire pub had been under the influence as well.

"Thanks. Now let's go about unpacking, yeah? Reckon I'll need my notebooks for the lecture in a couple days."

 

-

Niall had thought that he's got over it. But apparently not.

He wakes up in the middle of the night feeling like he can't breathe, that there is a giant anaconda squeezing the air out of his lungs and it hurts. He has to put his arms around his ribs to make sure that he won't fall to pieces, that he is okay.

That doesn't stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. He thought that he and his ex were forever. That one day, they would end up getting married and have ten kids and teach them how to dream. Something happened though. It changed _him_ and now Niall was left alone.

Niall hadn't realised that that he was sobbing until Harry crosses the room and puts his hands on Niall's shoulder. "Y'alright?" he asks, voice thick with sleep and throaty.

"Bad dream," Niall murmurs, wiping at the tears angrily.

"Need a cuddle? That always makes me feel better," Harry offers.

Never before has anyone offered Niall that. Granted, he's been in the privacy of his own room every time he has woken up thus so yeah. He nods shakily and scoots over so that Harry can fit into the minuscule dorm bed. Harry immediately wraps Niall in his arms and for a second, Niall lets go of his guard. He snuggles into Harry's warm body and interlocks his fingers with Harry's over his chest.

 

-

 

When Niall wakes, he is confused for moment. The dorm rooms are notorious for defective heating yet he is sweating due to immense heat. And there is an added weight of someone's leg over his own.

Then he remembers what happened a few hours ago. He glances at his alarm clock and swears loudly. It's quarter to eight, which means that he managed to sleep through the alarm.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck," he mutters, jumping out of bed and starting to strip down. He barely remembers to tie a towel around his waist before he grabs his shower stuff and runs to the bathroom. Thankfully, all the stalls are empty so he doesn't have to wait. He finishes getting ready with three minutes left on the clock. Sound design class is only down the street so if he makes a run for it, he won't be late.

By some miracle, he isn't late for the class. It's the same prof who taught the first year level last year so he knows that he doesn't have to pay full attention to the lectures. All of the notes will be uploaded on the prof's website later that day.

So instead, he lets himself think about Harry. How his arms felt wrapped securely around his body and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Then he catches himself and shakes his head mentally. The last time he let anyone close to his heart, he ended up with a broken heart. He will not make the same mistakes again.

 

The morning lectures aren't too bad. Between the first and second lectures, Niall stops by the Costa and buys himself a large cup of caffeinated tea and a bagel with cream cheese.

The rest of the day goes smoothly, if not for these short moments when the memory of Harry's skin against his slips into his conscious. He doesn't want to feel this way, like he's about to fall for Harry because he can't. Not after the last time.

He returns to his dorm room with a shit tonne of homework to do and it's only been a day. Second year is tougher than he had anticipated, obviously. He strips down to his boxers and changes into a pair of soft sweatpants that had admittedly seen better days. But they are the kind of worn-out that they are soft and feel like home.

Time goes by fast when he is trying to solve all the questions that don't really make sense to him. When he looks out the tiny window, the sun has already set and his stomach is growling loudly. He hopes that the canteen has something better this year.

He doesn't get his wish because the best option on the menu is a beef burger with sea salted fries. Sighing, he gets those and goes to find an empty table.

"Mind if I sit with you?" a familiar voice asks.

Harry.

Niall shrugs. "Sure."

The brunet slides into the seat opposite of Niall and starts to eat. They are halfway through their meals when Harry brings it up. "Listen, Niall--"

"We don't have to talk about it," Niall cuts him off. "I was havin' a bad dream and it happens to all of us, yeah? Don't make a big deal out of it."

"But--" Niall shoots him a glare. He will not talk about this. The last thing he needs is to have a meltdown in the middle of a common area.

After that, it's awkward between them. Harry is reluctant to speak up and Niall tries his best not to look at Harry's wounded expression. Who does Harry think he is anyway, getting into Niall's business. If Niall can't deal with a stupid little heartbreak then everyone should leave him be.

They go up to their room together, well Harry keeps his distance. Niall opens up his laptop again and puts his earbuds in, hoping that Harry would get the hint. He can hear muffled sounds but he ignores them and soon, Harry gives up.

God, is this how the year is going to go by?

 

-

 

It happens a few more times. Niall would sometimes wake up drenched in sweat and sobbing his broken heart out and Harry would climb into his bed and cuddle him until he has calmed down and ready to sleep again. In the morning, neither of them speak of it, only muttering 'good morning's before they go about their day.

"You're a right idiot, that's what you are," Louis says over the phone. It's a Saturday night and most people have gone out clubbing or back home.

"Thanks for the helpful input, Lou," Niall replies, imagining the eye roll that Louis would have given him for sure.

"What he means by that," Liam intercepts and he can hear Louis' protests, "is 'I'm worried about you, Ni. You should be able to talk about this, not just lock it up and never even think of it."

"I tried, Leemo, I really did," Niall says exasperatedly. "But every time I try to even _think_ about his name, I get choked up. I feel like the air has been sucked out of me lungs and next thing I know, I'm on the ground trying to hold myself together and not fall into pieces across the ground."

He can picture the worried frown on Liam's face and a serious look on Louis' face (which is a rarity in and by itself).

"I can't believe that I'm saying this but maybe you do need something to spice up your life. Go out and pull a guy, Ni. It can't be healthy to not have any outlets. I mean, when's the last time you even wanked?"

Niall scowls as he tries to remember. "Ehm . . . " he scrummages. "Okay fine, not since that day. I don't really feel the need to though."

"Liar," Louis calls out. "We're young men in our prime. All we think about is dick or pussy, dude. Stop lying to yourself."

"Fine," Niall says, He grabs his keys and pulls on a checkered button down over his t-shirt. "I'm headin' out right as we speak."

"Good," Louis says. "If I don't hear loud obnoxious dance music the next time I call you, I will come and kick your arse."

 

And that's how he finds himself in the middle of a club that he doesn't even know the name of. One of Nicki Minaj's song is blasting through the speakers. He hates himself for giving into Louis. But who knows if Louis was right? Shagging his feelings away might the the thing he needs right now.

So he sways his body to the beat of the music and tries to remember how to dance sensuously. He must be doing an alright job because soon enough, a bloke with large hands comes up to him and grips his hips as they grind their bodies together. He is getting practically arse-raped on the dance floor but he wills his body not to tense up. Instead, he leans into the guy's touches and keeps on dancing.

A few hours pass by like this and Niall is pleasantly buzzed because everyone keeps on buying him drinks. He has almost missed doing this, seducing the blokes one by one until the are desperate for more than the fleeting touches that he gives them. One bloke, tall and broad with a dark stare and brown quiff keeps on dancing with him and it's been five songs. Niall is about to ask him if he wants to fuck or what when he grinds his obvious semi into Niall's bum.

"You wanna?" he asks, teeth catching on to Niall's ear lobe.

"Sure," Niall says. "My dorm's not too far away."

"Brill."

They stumble into Niall's room, lips attached and hands tugging at the clothes. They have made it to Niall's bed when a loud cough interrupts them.

"Ehm," Harry croaks, probably just woken up. "Niall. I'm not like into voyeurism."

Niall is drunk enough to say: "You could."

But the other guy is freaking out. "Fuck. You could've told me you had a roommate." He hastily straightens his clothes. "I'll just, uh, go now. Good night."

"Bye," Niall pouts. Damn.

"You can't just do that," Harry fumes. He has moved over so that now he is looming over Niall, casting a shadow over him. "This is _our_ room, meaning that we share it."

"Whatever," Niall says sullenly.

"This isn't something you can just shrug off. I'm going to need some ground rules, Niall."

"Fine, no fucking people in the room. Gotcha."

"That's not it. I know that you're still torn up about your breakup and this isn't normal, Ni."

Niall wants him to shut up so he does the only thing that he can think of at the moment: he pulls Harry in and kisses him angrily.

He was expecting Harry to pull back and tell him to sod off. But instead what happens is that Harry's fingers end up in Niall's hair and they're pulling; not away but in towards Harry. They kiss like they have been starved and that each other's lips hold all the nutrients in the world. Niall knows that he is being rough, all teeth and too much tongue being shoved down Harry throat but Harry allows it.

Soon Niall finds himself with Harry trapped between his body and the mattress. He looks so edible with his lips red and kiss-bitten, semi-curly hair mussed about and a flush going all the way down to his chest.

"Fuck," Niall mutters, kissing Harry down his neck and sucking on a few spots. "Y' look good, y'know that?"

Harry starts to say something but it's cut off by a moan caused by Niall's tongue flicking at his nipple. "Ni-Niall," he pleads.

"What, sweetheart?"

"I don't--don't want this to be a drunken mistake for you."

"You'll never be a mistake."

Then he passes out.

 

-

 

Niall wakes up with a pounding headache and an empty bed. That's weird because he could have sworn that there was someone else in his bed last night.

"Reckon you'll need some Advil for that," Harry says, and a bottle of the painkillers are thrown across the room.

"Thanks," he mumbles, taking the tablets dry.

Oh fuck.

Last night comes back with a full force and he can feel himself blushing. "Look, Harry about last night."

"You were drunk and I shouldn't have led you on, 'm sorry," Harry says hastily.

"No it's not just that. I know I've said things that I shouldn't have."

"Which one?"

"Not the when where I said that you'll be a mistake."

He knows that he can't hold it back anymore. So he tells Harry what happened before summer and why he is such a mess. Harry doesn't leave; he stays and listen until Niall is done talking.

"Then I met you," he concludes. "Fuck, you're gorgeous and a great mate. And I knew that I had to keep my distance else I'd end up going through the same thing as before. And I don't think that I can handle another break up."

"Niall," Harry starts, pulling him in close for a hug. "I'll never leave you. I don't know if you've noticed but we're kind of roommies and I have been proper crushing on you for a while now. It's gonna take more than a tragic back story to ward me away."

He kisses Niall. This one is different from last night's. It's tender and sweet and full of promise. And Niall kisses him back, matching each of those.

And right here, he knows that he can breathe again without hurting.


End file.
